Thursday, June 17, 2010

Thursday's Thoughts

One of my struggles these days is figuring out the assisted living arrangement for my mother. She is in an independent living environment right now. In this same compound is an assisted living side.

She’s ready. Her day to day living is getting more difficult for her as her body weakens and her breathing is harder. She has wonderful doctors up there. One of the doctors helped me explain that it’s time to move to assisted living. I so appreciate that. Although we had spoken about it numerous times, it was as if she thought I was pushing her to the end of life. She’s had a couple of mild falls that left her cut and bruised, but it tells me that it’s time for her to have more help. She’s more inclined to make that move after those falls. It’s hard now because she doesn’t feel good and is unsteady.

There are limited funds that may take her through, but may not. I’ve been looking in to programs that might help kick in should she run out of money. For some reason, these decisions get left up to me. But I don’t want the sole responsibility of this particular decision.

I have 4 brothers. My oldest brother talks to my mom frequently but lives out of state. Two other brothers talk to her infrequently (also out of state). The other brother has been out of the picture for many years.

Well, today I laid it out in an email to my brothers. I need help with this. I don’t want to make the decision alone. How about some help researching some programs? We all need to think about the actual move. It is so obvious that she needs the extra help that assisted living will provide. But because it involves what’s left of her money, I think we should all be involved. And truth be told, I can’t imagine that they would not think this is a good move for her. We’ll see. I don’t ask for help very often. In fact when I moved her up there to independent living, I pretty much did most of the packing myself. I asked my brother if he could help me unpack at the other end, but he had plans already, but did come a couple of weeks later to hang pictures.

So, I feel good about asking. I didn’t have to, they probably would have been fine had I just gone ahead and got her moved. But what happens if the money is gone, what would she do then, and I hadn’t asked them? So this is good. Maybe I’ll sleep tonight.


Anonymous said...

sounds like a tough one, but its good you asked....I am praying for you and your mom ;)

septembermom said...

I'm glad that you asked too. You're a great daughter. This is a tough situation. It's okay to ask for help. I'm praying for you all.

Max-e said...

These are never easy decisions. We had to make a similar decision a few years ago with my father-in-law. Initially he was very resistant and difficult about the move, but in the end he realised it was the best decision. He spent his last days well looked after, made many friends and was quite contented. When we visited we had to make sure that we did not upset his routines, otherwise he hinted that it was time for us to leave :)

Dan Felstead said... can take your situation right now and substitute my name for yours. I am in EXACTLY the same quandary except I have no brothers or sisters. It is all on my shoulders. With my dad's recent heart attack (86 years old) he is having a difficult time recovering but doesn't accept any discussion about changing his independent living arrangements.

I will be praying for you and your family because these things can often disrupt the care giving families. I will ask the same if you don't mind.


Janice said...


Pam said...

Good for you for asking for help! You should not have to do this alone. I'm like Dan above, I have no brothers and sisters, so whatever doing for my mom, will have to be done by me alone.

GB said...

I cannot imagine how difficult it must be having to make that decision. One thing I do know and that is that your Mom is fortunate to have you there.

Janette said...

If you are in the states--- a person in an assisted living house cannot be evicted. They can be put in a smaller or less private room- but once you are in ====that is it.
Lurker here- keeping you in my prayers.

Flora & Fauna

Books I have known & loved

  • Life of Pi
  • A Hundred Years of Solitude
  • Kite Runner
  • The Way the Crow Flies
  • Fall on Your Knees
  • Poisonwood Bible
  • East of Eden
  • Shantaram
  • I Know This Much is True

Illegal Immigration