Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Only the Beginning

Yes, day one of my orchid opening. Six years ago, Hubby came home with this for my birthday. I've never owned an orchid before this one. I'm no better at taking care of it today than I was six years ago. It's still in its crunched up little pot, roots sticking out all over the place, but it continues to burst forth in blossom for me, still.

What does that say? In spite of "not so great circumstances" we all still have the opportunity to bloom? I don't know. Now that I read that last sentence, it's pretty cliche. And lame. Must I read something into everything?

My mind these days is a convaluted mess, full of worry, over-thinking, and indecision. I'm questioning my motives and my choices; way too much going on. I'm eating all the time. I'm not hungry. Not in the normal "need to fuel my body" sense. I know something else is going on. Stuffing feelings? Maybe, but it doesn't feel like that's it. Trying to feed something that is lacking? Maybe, but that, too, doesn't feel quite right. I have a sense of it, but can't quite put my finger on it. Anxiety. There it is. Not just about myself, but everyone in my life, and the situations we all find ourselve in.

I guess that when I was young, I thought that everything would work out perfectly, everyone would be happy, settled, leading the kind of life that we thought of as "happy" back in the 50's & 60's. Well, okay, not in the 60's. Ha! I lived those. Do you get what I mean though? Sometimes I feel so naive.

My life is good. Really. But I do feels some responsibility in how others in my life are proceeding with theirs. Am I eating to stay afloat, above the worries and concerns of those I love? Or do I eat to not feel the angst of hunger for what I want for them, as well as for myself?

I have no answers. What I do know is that God keeps showing me that circumstances are never perfect. But they don't have to be. Life blooms anyway, maybe not in the way that we pictured, but they do bloom.


Anonymous said...

circumstances are never perfect. But they don't have to be. Life blooms anyway, maybe not in the way that we pictured, but they do bloom.

PERFECTLY said my friend!

GB said...

Almost everything we say is cliché in some way or another. There is very little that hasn't been said before. But, hey, that doesn't mean that we shouldn't say it again. Most of us need constant reminders.

And whose mind isn't a convoluted mess in this day and age? There are not many in my experience.

What I think I'm trying to say is "Why should you be so different from the rest of us?" At our age (OK so you're younger than I am but you do remember the 60s!) we are all living a life of concerns, of dreams fulfilled and unfulfilled, of expectations which may never be realised and fears - which may never come to fruition.

And, yes, I've just had a mince pie with lots of thick cream with my coffee (and I'm just off to bed and I wonder why I have nightmares!).

To misuse a quotation Abiit ad plures (he/she has joined the great majority).

And there are no answers. Just platitudes from fellow bloggers like me!

GingerV said...

when I read your words, my thoughts and feeling reverberate in my head. along with the unnamed anxiety is a real fear (you blogged about it last month when my computer was misbehaving and I didn't comment or go back as I promised) but I feel what you feel. have you ever read about life stages - there are real stages that everyone goes through - there is a slight variation in time frame and in intensity but you can't excape.... read about what happens to us in our 50-60 - maybe this will shed some light on what is going on in your head right now.... hey by the way - say NO to the extra calories - fat will just intensify your upset....
see -

GingerV said...


{Simply} Heather said...

Oh, my friend in dry lands..."Must I read something into everything?" I think that the first bite into that apple, created this in us. I do.

I am of the same mold of overthought, sometimes worry, anxieties choking out the goodness...been there, and find myself there on occasion still but not in the same places.

You have a pure heart, sweet friend, desiring the goodness for all that you love. Keep it, treasure it...God see's. He blossoms His goodness in many of the wrung out places of life.

We are kindred, you and I. I'll be praying for you and your family ♥


Geesh...the word verification is in french today..."leworrhy". Le Worry?? No, we will not "leworrhy". Say it with me...we will not :)

septembermom said...

The orchid is gorgeous. I hope you find some peace with all of these things soon. Your posts help me in many ways often. I feel overwhelmed very much lately.

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Scriptor Senex said...

I think we all have our moments of wondering about our choices and motives. If you find the answer - bottle it. You'd make a fortune! (Please put me down for two bottles!!)

Flora & Fauna

Books I have known & loved

  • Life of Pi
  • A Hundred Years of Solitude
  • Kite Runner
  • The Way the Crow Flies
  • Fall on Your Knees
  • Poisonwood Bible
  • East of Eden
  • Shantaram
  • I Know This Much is True

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